Class Follow-Up: It’s a Trap
This is intended to accompany Shay & Stefanos’ “It’s a Trap: Playful Scenes & Non-Bondage Predicaments” class and is not stand-alone material.
“Hey sexy, are you a fully armed and operational battle station? Because this feels like a trap.”
Introduction
Playful and predicament scenes are about involving the mind as well as the body and creating a story to go along with the sensations. Have fun creating reasons to do all the “mean” things you were going to do anyway!
Many of the scenes or ideas we use involve setting up a system of rewards and "punishments.” This is not about serious discipline—it’s about having fun together.
Playing this way encourages the top and the bottom to interact on many levels and forces both out of a passive comfort zone.
Some bottoms might hate this because they don't want to think; they just want to float in subspace.
Some tops see this as a violation of their Domly Dom role.
This type of play is often scene-based and may not fit well within a more serious D/s dynamic.
For someone eager to please, predicaments can focus on accomplishing things against the odds.
Brats and SAM’s (Smart Ass Masochists) often love this type of play.
Brat play can easily become resistance play or involve the brat “humiliating” the top—negotiate specifically for this!
These scenes can give the bottom more control, which some bottoms will really enjoy and which can be a great thing for less experienced tops.
“I am a so much better bottom since I started realizing, oh, you can ask for things you LIKE!”
Negotiation, Punishment & Rewards in Brief
We believe that negotiation should occur as equals before the scene starts, when everyone involved is not in role.
Thoughtful negotiation can greatly enhance your play.
Determine punishments and rewards quickly based on what you bring in your toy bag.
The bottom can set up the toys in order of "nice" to "mean" or pick 5 “reward” and 3 “punishment” toys—any toy that is a limit should simply be left in the bag.
This gives the top a “cheat sheet” to use all scene long… and lots of fodder for traps when that “nice” toy turns out to be perhaps not so nice, after all!
Remember that during a scene context can be everything—punishment caning vs. "play" caning, etc.
This type of play can veer into humiliation. Try to find out where your partners’ triggers are (body image, etc.) and what you can tease with in a lighthearted way (spelling?)
Find “fields with no fucks” to keep it light and playful. This is different for everyone!
Think about how hard your partner is on themselves. If they are prone to beating themselves up, you must be extra careful about humiliation aspects.
If you are in a public dungeon and anticipate getting "angry" and yelling, let the DM know.
Empower each other to use safewords if needed. Safewords are for everyone!
Consider a safeword that works with the energy of the scene. Ex: “uncle!” or a non-verbal signal.
Keep track of body language during scenes and monitor for ongoing consent.
Everyone involved needs to read each other and pay careful attention to whether they are pushing too hard. Consent is an ongoing process!
Health considerations
A negotiation form can be especially helpful to cover this as comprehensively as possible.
Negotiation includes education—if you’ll be doing something you haven’t done before or don’t know much about, ask questions!
Clarify the *method* of negotiation you use:
Negotiation by Inclusion: Outline what is OK, and everything else is off limits.
Negotiation by Exclusion: Outline what is NOT OK, and everything else is in bounds.
Negotiation by Exclusion can have more potential for problems. This method is useful with experienced folks who can monitor their status during scene and when playing with trusted/experienced partners.
Most commonly, folks use a blend of these methods.
Manage expectations
Research shows that our reaction to a given outcome largely results from our expectations. People have a strong bias for loss, meaning they feel greater distress over losing something than joy in gaining that same thing.
“The study of acting is not the practice of being fake. It’s learning how to become more expressive as yourself.”
Dynamic bottoming during a playful scene
Be responsive!
Work on modulating your reactions to be as legible as possible.
Consider how you use body language cues, such as:
Tension
This manifests as scrunched up shoulders, holding breath, furrowed eyebrows…
Generally increasing tension is not a good/positive sign.
Arousal
Signs include flushing, increased skin temperature, dilated pupils, faster breathing, etc…
Moving toward or away
Sticking out your ass or tucking it in is an obvious example
Using submissive body language (if appropriate for your scene dynamic)
Taking up less space, getting on a lower level, kneeling, etc.
Being responsive can feel “faked” at first to those who are not naturally demonstrative, but try different things (wagging your butt around, moaning, whimpering, stomping feet, etc.) and you will generally find that the more you do it, the more natural it starts to feel.
Genuine but well modulated vocalization—moans, whimpers, etc.
Non-verbal cues such as wagging your ass, stomping your feet, breathing
Note that you don’t want to take this too far to the other extreme!
Find what works for you and your partner(s).
Try offering more direct verbal guidance/feedback in a way appropriate for the scene, especially if your top seems at a loss—it happens!
Brats and SAMs (whose tops are into it) can go the "Is that all you've got?" or “When are you going to start hurting me?” route. But be careful when you pull the lion’s tail…
We negotiate that we consider this type of bratting a “strong green” signal. Ensure that your negotiation includes bratting translator tips!
Use dirty talk, sexy language, or begging
Dirty talk made easy: describe what’s happening…or what did happen…or what you WANT to have happen! Don’t worry about being repetitive.
Negotiate for word use, especially around body parts and titles.
Word choice (listen for the words they use—for example, cock vs. dick vs. penis)
Invitations aren’t commands. It can be good communication and also hot to ask (or beg!) for what you want
…and it can also be hot to be told “no” (or “not yet”). Tease and denial is a Whole Thing…
It’s not just what you say…it’s how you say it!
Tone of voice
Discuss roles and expectations when you negotiate.
You are set up for a bad experience if you’re a dominant masochist looking to be flogged and you’re playing with a Mistress who is looking for a serious M/s dynamic.
Pain processing—this can be a whole class by itself!
“Pain is your brain’s somewhat paranoid guess about how much danger you’re in.”
Uncertainty and lack of confidence increase pain perception.
Sexual arousal, adrenalin, swearing, and having an audience can increase pain tolerance.
Studies show that third-person self-talk (“Shay, you’re fine.”) increases pain tolerance.
Taking care of yourself
Consider the effect of factors like what/when you’ve eaten, how much sleep you’ve had, stress at work, a fight with a friend/family member, drug or alcohol use, etc.
How do these factors affect your play headspace?
How do these factors affect your responsiveness and pain tolerance?
How do these factors affect your patience?
Where your head is before the start of a scene will have a huge (albeit perhaps subtle and unrecognized) influence on your experience during the scene.
Consider having a ritual to clear your mind or focus your energy before a scene.
Talk to your partner about where you are at mentally.
If you know you have triggers or mental health issues, talk to your partner about it
Note that this can be unexpected and consider fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses.
After a scene
“Tell me something good about me!” (Positive feedback is appreciated, especially in the immediate post-scene aftermath, when folks may be feeling particularly vulnerable.)
Let your partner know what you need for aftercare—this should have been covered in negotiations but may be variable based on how intense the scene was.
Aftercare is for everyone!
Energetic exchange
Discuss this in negotiations! “What can I do to make this hot/fun/awesome/rewarding for you?”
Consider offering to help clean up, get your partner food/drink, etc.
Follow-up
Can take the form of “scene reports”
This is the time to discuss what should there be more/less of next time (if there is a next time). Try to partner good with bad.
Listen for patterns; use this to increase your self-knowledge.
Predicament Scenes
You can use predicaments as a story, a game, or just because they strike you as fun. The idea of a predicament is to moderate success and failure tailored to the energy and needs of the scene.
Your demeanor can vary from "this-is-serious-work-we-do" drill sergeant to childlike glee. You'll figure out quickly what feels natural to you and works for your partner.
This can involve little transactional games – you enjoy getting “mad” and yelling at me, I enjoy getting “scolded” and taking my “punishment.”
The harshness of your predicaments needs to be moderated and individualized. Take it SLOW, start with easier predicaments and a less serious attitude, and know your partner well before getting into the meanest damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't scenarios.
Ultimately, remember that we’re all on the same team and this is about having fun!
Story/Task Predicaments
This scene builds with a beginning, middle, and end (start, climax, finish). The basic outline involves an assigned task followed by introducing an obstacle and ending with succumbing to or overcoming the obstacle.
Give your partner a task to perform — anything from giving oral sex to cleaning to unpacking a toy bag to singing a song — then distract them (with flogging, spankings, sensation play, orgasms, etc). Yell at them to focus, laugh at them, and/or punish them when they get distracted & falter in their task.
Bind their hands together with white rope, and then set them to a potentially messy task, such as polishing boots or making food. God help them if they get any dirt on your pristine white rope!
Give them a difficult-to-maintain pose/posture or something to hold in their mouth, and instruct them not to move/drop it while you play with them. Stress positions work especially well for this.
Have them fetch/unpack toys using only their mouths, but of course, they must not get drool or tooth marks all over your nice things.
Writing or drawing, especially on a large upright pad or board. Pick apart their penmanship, spelling, capitalization, artistic ability, etc. This works very well in a school scene, of course!
Include something intentionally funny/outrageous in your scene, such as hitting them with a rubber chicken or using a toilet plunger as a suction device on their back. Take it all VERY seriously and become outraged when they laugh. This is the classic “playing the straight man” scenario.
Verbal Predicaments
Instruct them to always use your name/title when addressing you and punish them when they forget (or, horrors, call you “Ma’am” when you should be called “Goddess”). Give yourself an usual and/or difficult to remember name or title. Change it up from scene to scene. (e.g. this scene is an office scenario, so you will call me “Boss.” Now we’re doing medical play and you will call me “Doctor.”)
Give specific phrases to use instead of "yes" and "no.” For example, instead of "yes" they should say "Only if it pleases you" and instead of "no" they should say "Not unless it pleases you."
Ask them how they are doing. Decide that whatever adjective they use (especially if they say “fine” or “good”) is not an acceptable word to describe their current state. Demand they come up with better adjectives. Bring a thesaurus to assist them (these also make excellent impact play implements).
Instruct them to tell you a story — a dirty story! Specify the number of sentences required.
Ask them open-ended questions and force them to give detailed answers. E.g., what are you thinking about when you lick my boots? Why do you think I am spanking you? How do you feel bent over my knee? Determine that they are not giving you enough information, it is not honest enough, they are wrong, or they are simply not making sense, and “punish” accordingly.
Trap Predicaments
Set them to a task that they have incomplete knowledge/skills to do well at, or that you have set up to fail.
Ask them to make you a plate of food, using their best judgment about what they think you might like to eat just then. Of course they will bring something you don’t like, or aren’t in the mood for, or perhaps the food simply isn’t arranged aesthetically enough, and thus the fun begins.
Give them a list of positions/postures to learn, and have them perform these from memory when they next see you. Of course there will be details of the postures that will not have been covered in your notes, or that they will get wrong…
Give them some sort of choice and then, once they decide, ask them to explain WHY they made that choice. Decide that whatever rationale they give is flawed/wrong (especially if it isn’t some variation on “that’s what I thought would please you the most”).
Put clamps, clothespins, or suction cups on them. The receiving partner can “help” find the most secure places for these. Use weak clamps/suction that will eventually come off. Instruct them that they are responsible for making sure the clamps stay on as you go about your scene.
Stress positions are a classic – you can’t stay in them forever! Examples include squatting, plank, reverse plank, “chair” position against a wall, and holding something up with the arms.
Competition Predicaments
These are especially mean! Set your partner to compete against themselves, another person, or even you (this sometimes requires a bit of a masochistic streak on all sides).
Give your partner a certain period of time to accomplish a task (like undressing, preparing a cup of coffee, escaping from a tie, etc.). Make them beat the clock, and the next time they do the task, they must beat their previous best time. Or push them to say how much of some sensation they can take (how many clothespins, how many spanks, etc) and challenge them to beat that number the next time.
Have two or more people doing positions, gathering clothespins with their mouths, putting away rope, etc. Judge one the “winner” and one the “loser” with rewards and punishments respectively.
Put two people in the position to throw each other “under the bus”… at personal expense, of course!
“Anything you can do, I can do better”
Predicament Bondage
Predicament bondage uses the same structure of “rewards” and “punishments” to moderate energy in a scene. The major difference is a focus on restraint to create the predicament in question.
Clamps or zippers, stretchy cord, and large rubber bands are classic implements for predicament bondage. On the simplest level, just tying clamps off so that any squirming pulls them (causing more pain, of course) can be very effective.
Restraint in a position of tension, for example, up on tiptoes or in a squatting position.
Put clamps on them, and then put a bucket/bag attached to the clamps. When they do something “wrong,” a small weight is added to the bucket.
Restrain them in a prone position and place something sharp/unpleasant under their butt and/or back (ice, something with an unpleasant texture, etc). They must lift themselves to keep off…
If your partner is sexually motivated, restrain them so that to reach a vibrator (or cock, or whatever) they must endure some discomfort/pain. This could involve clamps or simply making them squat or lean against their bound limbs in an uncomfortable position.
* Everything we do is in danger of going wrong. Consider the risks (physical and emotional) or your play, and take steps to mitigate where you can.
Playful BDSM and Games
If you don’t take your kink too seriously, you can have serious fun as a top or bottom with some of these ideas or with variations of your own.
Keep an eye on the level of competition to keep these games fun and kinky.
Playing games involving more than just yourself and your partner requires a different level of trust, specialized negotiation, an appropriate space, etc.
“Back-pocket” games
These can be worked into any scene. They’re especially useful if you’re temporarily struggling to maintain engagement/energy or just run out of ideas (hey, it happens!).
Kinky memory: Make them remember colors of clothespins, keep count of pretty much anything (number of needles, number of spankings per ass cheek, etc), recall what toys have been used, etc. Mess with their memory by having them recite the colors of the rainbow backwards, do math problems, etc.
Distinguishing characteristics: Place several different kinds of clamps/clips on them, or use different toys on them, and ask them to identify the specific implements.
Symmetry is the hobgoblin of small minds: After a flogging/spanking (or any other sensation), ask them which side they think is redder/more bruised. Determine whether you agree with their assessment. Discuss the merits of symmetry. Make them justify their opinion on the subject, drawing from art history (modern abstract art vs. classic styles) in their answer.
It’s who you know: Give spankings (or some other sensation) with another person and challenge them to identify who gave each spank.
Get Creative: Pick a common item (the sillier the better) and challenge them to come up with ways for you to hurt them with it. Keep doing the same thing until they have a “better” idea.
For Science! Experiment with several different ways of doing something (bondage variations, ways of hitting with a toy, types of clamps, ways to pull off clamps, etc). The bottom can expound at length on the differences between these techniques. Multiple trials will be needed.
There will be a test: Lecture your partner on anything at all (anatomy, social media trends, how to make a meringue). Insist on the gravity of this information. Test their recall. Of course they will be punished if they do not remember the material correctly…
Stand-alone games
While these can be incorporated into a scene, they may work better standing alone.
Clamps of fortune: Clamps are placed, each holding a piece of paper. On the papers various “prizes” are listed (2 options per paper). Invite others to pull off a clamp, read the paper, and collect their reward. Things listed could be giving a spanking, getting boots kissed, winning a small toy, receiving a shoulder rub, etc. (See cautions above about games involving others.)
Blindfolded guidance: Navigate a “minefield” of toys – crawl, blindfolded, following verbal cues. Have them assume positions at random intervals, or make “snow angels.” Any toys they “accidentally” touch will then be used on them.
Grab bag: This works especially well with needles, but can work with clothepins or any small-ish implements – have a “nice” bag (small gauge needles, for example) and a “mean” bag (large gauge needles). If the bottom picks from the “nice” bag, the top picks where the needle goes…if they pick from the “mean” bag, they get to choose!
While outside the scope of this class, animal & littles/age play involves a lot of “fun and games.”
